Hello and welcome back after my (almost) 6 month hiatus! I’ve had to spend my time wisely these past few months, and I never wanted to do a post just to do it. I always wait till I have something on my heart and hear that “Speak on it sis” tug. So, the blog has been on the back burner, but in the mean time I have successfully completed sonography school, became a RDMS, and working big girl jobs. Yes I said jobs. Plural. Which is the sole inspo for my breaking of the silence this week.
Working. Mom. Guilt.
I’ll start by saying I haven’t been working the whole time I’ve been absent, only for about 2 months now. And in those 2 months I’ve been more emotional than I was in the first few days after I brought my daughter home. Maybe. My husband would probably protest that one.
When I got my job offer I was more than thrilled. Ecstatic, exuberant, euphoric. You get it. I wanted to get back into the work force but also needed it-financially and mentally. So you can imagine my shock when I cried all the way to my first day because I had to leave my baby.
Side note-I say “you can imagine my shock” on this blog more times than not because motherhood is rather shocking. It’s *john travolta* electrifying. Yes I’m really that lame if you’re new here.
Back to business. I was venting to my sister-a bad ass, seasoned working mom of 3-about missing my baby while I was at work. And she said, “Well don’t beat yourself over what you’re missing, be thankful for what you’re able to do”.
I don’t get the 8 o clock cartoons, afternoon nap snuggles, or lunch time (cooked by her on her play kitchen of course). But I do get the early evenings playing outside and stroller walks, dinner, bubble baths, and bed time snuggles. I get the weekends-whether they be spent on the beach, on the couch, or in the pool. I get the lazy Sundays and pancakes. And don’t even get me started on the loud “MOMMY!” I get when I walk through the door. Heart melting.
I need to work for my sanity and for financial freedom and I’m okay with that. I’m choosing to focus on what I get, and what I can give in return. No longer will I dwell on what I don’t get, what I miss, and how long I’m gone. My baby may wonder why I’m at work some days, but she will never have to wonder if she is loved more than the moon and stars. And I will fill her cup, just as I fill mine.
And I encourage you, fellow mamas who have to leave your children to do whatever it may be-work, play, school, fun, etc etc etc, to do the same.