When Your Spouse Inconveniences You

Woah slow your roll with that title. Inconvenience is not a word you want associated with the LOL (Luv ofya life)

And that’s my point.

Because sometimes this world gets the upper hand over better judgement and that’s how you feel. Inconvenienced.

You know what 2 words can be associated with inconvenient? “Self” and “change”

Basically: something changes and isn’t going YOUR way so you don’t like it because you’re thinking only of yourself.

My husband recently made a pretty hefty life change. Something that switched up the routine we’ve been in every day for the last 3 years. Something he’s needed to do mentally and physically for his happiness, which has been pushed to the back burner. Actually, completely off the stove if I’m being honest. Because big changes are scary but bills and responsibility are scarier.

Nonetheless, when he told me he finally took the plunge I was instantly irritable. Not mad, but slightly pissy. How could he inconvenience Us like this in December, right before Christmas?! How could he just mess up my

whole flow? I’m going to have to redo everything that I’m used to doing. Ugh!

And there’s my sign. I was inconvenienced.

But I never took into account how my husband must feel, how stressed he must be, how he’s handling the weight of being responsible for our family’s well being.

I never talked to him about how he was feeling about any of it. Instead, I just gave him a list of “musts” to follow that would put some convenience back in my day.

And now, I feel like I missed an opportunity to be there for my husband and support him as he’s done for me countless times. All my wildness and dreams and career changes and goals have never once inconvienced him. He’s either helped me make and execute a plan, or helped me off the ledge.

I think the silent killer of most marriages today is, I. Especially for us “youngins”.

Being married at 22 really wasn’t something I would’ve ever imagined for myself. But God gave me a husband at that time for a reason. He knew I needed my husband or else I’d probably still be 90 to nothing. Never taking time to soak in this sweet life I’ve been given. He also knew it would due me some good to think of someone other than myself for once in my life.

I see you, God.

Navigating marriage is a whole lot of “us” and a whole lot less of “me”. You are not only thinking of someone else but also putting them before yourself, and making their happiness and dreams and goals one with your own. Neither being more important than the other, but equal. They shouldnt be considered an inconvenience to your life, they should be an enhancement to your life.

I encourage you to take time out of your day to think about your spouse and evaluate your own behavior.

Am I contributing to or disrupting their peace?

Are they happy?

Am I inviting them to communicate with me or am I jumping to conclusions and shutting them down?

Am I walking with them through life or am I just dragging them down the path I like best?

Make adjustments when necessary. Marriage isn’t at its best when you’re each giving 100, it’s best when you show up on the days they need you to give them your 80 when they only have 20.

PS: it will 110% ALWAYS be an inconvenience when my husband puts his plate right beside the counter instead of in it, but hey. We’ll work on it.

The Mama I was Searchin’ For

Babies aren’t born with an instruction manual. They come fully assembled, sure, but other than that you pretty much get a pat on the back, a congrats and diapers (for you and your baby) and off you go to raise the future generation. No pressure.

“Do your research” they say. “Make informed parenting decisions” they say.

And I obliged. Like really obliged.

I was almost as obsessed with being the PERFECT parent as I was with my sweet little baby. I needed to be a perfect mom. I just knew I would be. I would be that mom. You know the one.

And I’m not talking “sit com mom”, who is always in the kitchen with an apron and a smile handing out packed lunches to polite children, cliche perfect.

I’m talking about the mom who organizes toys in a way that maximizes creativity and development. Ya know, primary colors-no flashing lights and sound- organized at eye level for easy access. I’m talking about the mom whose child eats chicken nuggets, but only home made chicken liver nuggets that are gluten free. Her children can read on a 5th grade level by kindergarten and have a gut microbiome so robust scientist are asking her for their stool samples, perfect.

And parts of me are still with that mom (really, please feed your kids gut flora) BUT I am so far from being THAT mom.

And I fell so far down the rabbit hole of the world wide web searching how to be her that I lost moments that could have been spent finding the mom that I already am.

I searched through articles, Pinterest, mom groups, Montessori and parenting books because I was going to succeed. I was going to be that mom. But in the moments I spent, face illuminated by my phone screen, searching for how to be just that, I missed out on the smallest moments that were already shaping my daughter.

All she saw was her mom playing with something that she couldn’t play with. She has to play with primary colored blocks by herself. What kinda scam was this???


I gave up on the organized shelving in favor of baskets, but my daughters know how to put her toys in them.

Her favorite toy is a barn that makes noises and sounds and all that other hooblah that’s no good, but she knows the names and sounds of all her farm “aminals”.

She loves watching “tartoons” almost as much as she loves being read to, and reading books herself.

And, despite many saved Pinterest recipes, I still haven’t broken down and cooked a grass fed, pasture raised liver to this day. Maybe in the future I will have a taste for offal, but right now it’s just awful.

I’m not giving up on being the best mom, I’m simply being the best one I can be. I will never stop educating myself to make the best choice, but I will stop obsessing over the best choice.

I will never stop striving to give my children the best, and maybe some day that will include gluten free chicken liver nuggets. But in the meantime-no more searching, I’m found.

Power of Positivity Series PT 1

Giving Advice to First Time Moms: the right and wrong way

Our words hold so much power.

The tone we speak in is equally as powerful as the words themselves.

Positive or negative.

And how we speak about a subject greatly impacts how we feel, our own and others’ success, and overall outcomes.

For example: If you’re going to a job interview and continuously talk whine about how you’re under qualified for the position and how you bombed your interview, you likely won’t be getting that call back. But if you focus on the qualifications you do meet, and that part in the interview where you made your potential new boss laugh out loud at one of your witty jokes, well that attitude might just get you the golden ticket aka pay raise. Thank u, next.

I wanted to kick my 2019 off with nothing but positivity. Or “good vibes only”, as you cool kids say. Which brings me to part 1. First time moms.

One of the most precious times in a woman’s life is during her first pregnancy. She’s learning, she’s excited, she’s preparing to bring a baby into this world and likely a little nervous wondering how the hell she’s going to do it.

So the last thing she needs is your negative energy, Margaret.

(Sorry if your name is Margaret and you’re really positive, but we all know a “Margaret” let’s be real)

Stop using your own struggles as a threat. Moms need positivity, not scare tactics. And chances are, she probably already knows what’s to come.

Below I’ll list some common phrases a mom may hear when she announces she’s pregnant vs what she should be hearing. And let’s all agree to do better. And spread more positivity. Or vibes. Or energy. Whatever suits you.

Breastfeeding is miserable, it’s hurts and takes way too much time and effort

Breastfeeding can cause some discomfort at first but should never be painful. If you’re miserable, seek some advice from an IBCLC. Time with your nursling is fleeting, when it seems like your babe may be nursing forever just put your feet up and enjoy that time. Take in all those tiny details, Mama. And bonus: Breastfeeding has almost as many benefits for you as it does baby. Did you know that breastfeeding is associated with lower risks of breast and ovarian cancers?

Well you better get ready because labor is the worst!

Labor is painful, that’s a given, but it’s also empowering and amazing. You were literally made to give birth so obviously you will rock it.

Better sleep now because you’ll never sleep again.

Get as much rest as you can because you are growing a human and your body is working overtime.

Enjoy eating a hot meal in peace while you can because you’ll be eating dinner cold in 3 minutes for the rest of forever

Make sure you’re eating protein, healthy fats, fruits and vegetables. You and baby both need it! Don’t worry about how much or when you’re eating, just listen to your body and baby.

Your body will never be the same!

Your body will never be the same, because

it will be so much better. It will be the body that made your special little person, and that’s a miracle that outshines your physical appearance any day.

Being a mom is SO hard. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically so be prepared.

Being a parent has its challenges and there will be days that require a glass of wine, heavy pour, but the best things in life require effort. There is more beauty and happiness in being a mama than you can fathom.

Speaking about motherhood in a positive tone is far more beneficial to a new mom than “preparing” her for motherhood. Ain’t no hood like motherhood, we know. We just need to hear more of what we’re gaining rather than what we’re losing.